Keep, Stop, Start: And Some Things I Learned

I guess you can call these my New Years' resolutions

View from my bedroom

I moved into a high-rise on the lake in Chicago summer of 2020, right during the thick of COVID. While this place had its pros—it was right on the lake, had a beautiful view, and a decent-sized bedroom & closet—I didn't consider all the disadvantages. Mainly, I was on the 31st floor, and especially during this stage of my foot pain, I found it incredibly difficult to force myself to go outside. Physically, each time I went out was an added stressor that rarely felt worth it. Not to mention I was working from home, meaning I could realistically go days without venturing from the apartment.

Whether I realized it or not, this living situation was doing damage to my physical and mental health. But I have a tendency to put off important decisions, or not think them through fully when they arise. So when the time came to renew the lease in June 2021, it wasn't worth really thinking about if I wanted another year there (deep down I knew I didn't). Instead, I took the easy option and signed on for another year.

Sunset over Montrose Harbor at my apartment

2 months later, all my feelings bubbled up and I decided I needed to get out and go on this trip. It was 100% the right decision, but my delaying tough decisions meant that my roommate Jonny and I had to scramble to sublet my room. This was a major headache and in hindsight, I could have handled the whole situation better.

Moving forward, my goal is to be more intentional in my thinking. About my life, my future, my decisions, my relationships; everything. It's a lofty goal—to change my entire mindset. But in the words of Kanye West, "shoot for the stars, so if you fall you'll land on a cloud".

That brings me to the point of this story. I want to change my thinking and strive to be the best I can be. And the best me, I think, came out on my trip. I was active, trying new things, focusing on mental health, and feeling more free than I've felt in a long time.

While it's great that I was able to find these healthy habits, it doesn't mean anything if it's only temporary. I'm not going to be able to live in nature and have no responsibilities forever. So what can I take from my experience and apply to everyday life? What habits do I want to avoid sinking back into with the comforts of society? What activities or practices might be productive to start doing?

Sister Mountains, Oregon

So here are some of my ideas. These are, of course, aspirational by nature. I'm probably not going to achieve everything I list here. But if I can even make a dent in some of my bad habits, and start spending my time more productively, I believe that will ultimately help make me a better, happier person.

Keep: Reading & Writing

My reading buddy

I've had a tumultuous relationship with books. I was a big bookworm as a kid, getting deep into fantasy & sci-fi series' like Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Pendragon & Eragon. But around high school and through college I lost that spark, mostly because I got busy with school and there were better things to do with my free time. I've had various phases of unsuccessfully trying to get back into reading, but I've never been able to keep up with it. 

Also my writing buddy

But this latest phase feels different. I'm a slow reader, but I managed to read 10 books over the course of the 3-month trip, and finished a couple more since being back. This brought my yearlong total to about 15; nowhere near the 40-50 (!!) my older sister and mom each read, but significantly more than years past. My goal for next year is 24 (2 per month), follow along on Goodreads if you like. 

As for writing, I'm not sure what form this will take. I'm planning to continue with this blog in some fashion, but I may try to do some freelance work as well. What I know is that I enjoy it, and it's good for me. So that's reason enough to continue.

Stop: Sports Betting

Sports betting is everywhere you turn these days. It's becoming legal in more and more states, which means major companies like ESPN and FOX Sports are teaming up with legal sportsbooks like Caesars, FanDuel, and DraftKings. If you're a sports fan under 30 years old, you've probably dabbled in it. That means that pretty much every game you watch is going to have ads for sports gambling. As someone who took up sports betting before it was purely "legal", it feels over-the-top and weird, to say the least.

I won't go so far as to say I had a "problem" with sports gambling. I was more or less even in terms of dollar investment; a whole lot better than some folks. And I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with throwing some money on a game to make it more interesting. 

Watching a bowl game w/ the animals

But when I was betting, I felt the incessant need to be as informed as possible before placing my bet(s). I wanted to watch a bunch of games to get a feel for how the teams played, look up stats and listen to podcasts that broke down the matchups. I found myself wasting hours on a Tuesday night watching 2 college teams I don't care about play a game that didn't really matter. With real money on the line, watching sports was—at times—more of a chore than enjoyment.

So I decided to stop, about a month before I started my trip. Initially, I made the decision for financial reasons; I didn't want to go cold and end up in the red when I needed money. But I found that the time investment was a bigger burden than the money. I no longer stick around to see if team A wins by 10 or 17, and I don't feel the need to give every team the "eye-test" until I organically watch their game. 6 months after stopping, I'm watching only the teams I care about, games I want to see, and as a result, spending far less time in front of a TV screen. It sort of feels like I'm reclaiming the purity of being a sports fan as a kid.

P.S. this doesn't include things like March Madness pools, fantasy football, Super Bowl squares, CFB bowl pools, etc ;)

Sol Duc Falls, Olympic National Park

Start: Meditating

Meditating is another thing I've tried and failed at a few times. I can't really get my (self-diagnosed) ADHD brain to quiet down enough, I get uncomfortable sitting/laying still for so long, and I get frustrated because I don't feel I'm doing a good job at it. But I have a few new tricks to incorporate, and a renewed motivation to try again. I downloaded the Healthy Minds app, and I'm planning on pairing that program with Peloton courses from my mom's account. Maybe this will be the time I figure it out.

Nish, Caitlin & I over Thanksgiving '21

Keep: Staying in touch with friends & family

I spent hundreds of hours on the road from August-November. You can only fill so much time with music and podcasts, so naturally, I would ring people up from time to time. This was one of the more unexpected parts of my trip that I loved. I found myself talking to a lot of people more frequently than I had in years. It made me realize how precious our relationships are, and how easily they can slip into the background if you're not making an effort.

Stop: Wasting time on screens

You'll notice a trend here. Our time here is precious, and I don't want to waste it doing silly stuff. For me, that means TikTok, Twitter, sports, and other mindless TV. I'm not saying I'm completely cutting these out; that would be insane. But I am making a concerted effort to significantly cut back my time. For instance, I told my phone to stop suggesting TikTok and Twitter, which has already made a massive difference. Like most people these days, I have the habit of reaching for my phone when I'm bored. At least now when I do this, there won't be an immediate boost of serotonin waiting to drag me in for an hour or more.

Second Beach, Olympic NP

I already mentioned how I'm spending less time watching sports, and as for TV, I've started to at least put intention behind what I watch. Less of the same TV shows I've seen a million times, more things like documentaries, movies, or just new TV shows. But if we're being real, there's no way I'm completely abandoning my comfort TV shows (The Office, Parks & Rec, Scrubs, Curb). And I wouldn't want to. But cutting back time spent watching them makes them all the more enjoyable when I do need to turn my mind off and put on something to make me laugh.

Start: Finding creative outlets

One of the books I read on my trip was called The Gifts of Imperfection, a self-help-adjacent book recommended by my mom (yeah, I hear you snickering). While those sorts of books don't normally appeal to me, and I found this one particularly preachy—as if the author had the irrefutable answers to happiness—it was at least based in real research. And I did take away a couple good ideas from the read, chief of which is the need to embrace creativity in whatever form it takes.

Diablo Lake, North Cascades

I've never thought of myself as a creative mind, but this book claimed I was looking too narrowly at creativity (excelling at art, music & the like). Really, creativity just means the ability to form something novel & valuable—to create. And even though I'm not artistically-inclined or musically talented, there are a number of ways that I can embrace my own creativity. Creative writing, photography, pottery, making playlists, etc. I'm trying to think outside the box here, okay? The important thing (for me) isn't to make something perfect, but to go outside my comfort zone and just create, letting go of expectations from myself or others.

Keep (honorable mentions): being outdoors & active, journaling & gratitude, making playlists, being socially conscious, cooking, going to therapy

The outdoors are my happy place. As I mentioned in the intro, the outdoors and Chicago high-rise life don't exactly go hand in hand. For the time-being, I'm living in Oak Park with my parents, which is at least a little more accessible to nature than Chicago. But still, I have to make a concerted effort to get outside and continue being active. I've been biking, going on walks with Roscoe in our local nature preserve, and have started to plan some more involved camping trips for next year. Long term, I am looking to move somewhere that this can be more a part of my lifestyle. But for now, I am satisfied with what I'm doing to scratch the itch.

The other things I want to keep doing are pretty self-explanatory. These are a bunch of things I've been doing that I know make me happy, so I want to make sure I'm keeping up with them.

Virgin River, Zion NP